As a Birth Companion Your Birth is Not Mine

Your Pregnancy. Your Birth. Your Beliefs.

When people choose a pregnancy and birth companion, they are often looking for someone they can trust. Someone who will listen. Someone who will educate. Someone who will support them through one of the most significant transitions of their lives. That trust is something I never take for granted, because with that trust comes a responsibility.

Not to shape your decisions.

Not to persuade you towards my beliefs.

Not to encourage you to birth in a way that reflects my own values.

But to support you in discovering what matters most to you.

Every birthworker brings their own experiences. Every birthworker is a human being. We all have experiences that have shaped us. Births we've witnessed. Families we’ve supported. Research we’ve read. Training we’ve completed. Personal beliefs. Birthwork opinions. Values. Preferences.

Some birthworkers may feel strongly about physiological birth. Others may feel more comfortable within highly medicalised care. Some may have strong opinions about induction, caesarean birth, epidurals, home birth, infant feeding or countless other aspects of pregnancy and birth. Having beliefs is not wrong. We all have them. The important question is whether those beliefs begin to influence the care we provide.

My role is not to decide what your birth should look like. When you work with me, I don’t begin by asking,

“What kind of birth are you hoping for?”

I begin by asking something much more important.

“Tell me about you.”

Who are you? What matters to you? What are your hopes? What are your fears? What experiences are you bringing into this pregnancy? What does feeling safe look like for you?

Because your decisions should grow from your values. Not mine.

There is no “right” way to give birth and one of the biggest myths within birth culture is that there is a perfect birth. That if you simply make the right choices, ask the right questions or prepare well enough, your birth will unfold in a particular way. The truth is far more complex.

Some people dream of a home birth. Some feel safest in a consultant-led unit. Some hope for an unmedicated labour. Others know from the very beginning that they would like an epidural. Some choose an elective caesarean birth. Some begin planning one type of birth and later make different decisions because their circumstances change. None of these choices say anything about your strength, your commitment or your love for your baby. There is no hierarchy of births, there are only individual people making individual decisions.

Education should create confidence, not compliance. I believe education should never be used to lead someone towards the educator’s preferred outcome. Instead, education should help you understand your options clearly enough to decide what feels right for you.

That means exploring:

The evidence that exists

Where evidence is uncertain

The benefits and limitations of different options

How recommendations may apply to your individual circumstances

What questions you might wish to ask your maternity team

My goal is not for you to leave our conversations agreeing with me. My goal is for you to leave understanding yourself better. You should never feel judged for your choices

One of the things I hear most often is,

“I’m worried you’ll think I’ve made the wrong decision"

My answer is always the same. This is not about what I would choose. It is about what feels right for you after you’ve had the opportunity to explore your options, ask your questions and reflect on your own priorities. If your decision differs from what I might choose personally, that does not make it wrong. If your decision changes during pregnancy, that does not mean you’ve failed. If your priorities evolve, that’s okay too. Pregnancy is a journey of growth, learning and adaptation. Your decisions may grow with you.

My commitment to every family....

If I am privileged enough to walk alongside you, I make this commitment.

I will listen before I speak. I will ask rather than assume. I will educate rather than persuade. I will support rather than direct. I will encourage curiosity rather than certainty. I will respect your values, even when they are different from my own. I will create space for honest conversations without judgement, and I will always remember that this is your pregnancy, your birth and your family.

A gentle invitation....

As you continue through your pregnancy, I invite you to ask yourself one question.

If nobody else’s opinions influenced my decision—not social media, not friends, not family, not healthcare professionals and not even mine—what would feel most aligned with my values, my circumstances and my hopes for this birth?

There is no prize for having the birth that someone else believes is best. The goal is not to have my ideal birth. Or anyone else’s. The goal is to help you make decisions that feel informed, authentic and right for you, because when your baby is born, the story you carry with you should not be one of trying to live up to someone else’s expectations. It should be the story of a person who was listened to, respected and supported to make decisions that reflected who they truly are.

That is the kind of birth companionship I believe every pregnant and birthing person deserves.